Fearing fear itself

‎”Fear is probably the thing that limits performance more than anything – the fear of not doing well, of what people will say. You’ve got to acknowledge those fears, then release them.” -Mark Allen

As I approach the end of week 10 and my long run for the week tomorrow ( 9 miles), my confidence is a bit shaken. I don’t know what it was about this week, but I felt like I wasn’t doing enough and that my runs seemed really challenging. I know runners have their off days, but a whole week?  I know a lot of it is my psyching myself out mentally. I know I can finish this half marathon, run the entire way and finish running. Then why in the hell am I mentally torturing myself with negative feedback?  I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I believe there are a lot of nay-sayers out there who know me who question my capability to complete this enourmous feat. Why? Because they themselves don’t think that they could ever complete a 13.1 mile race.
After completely transforming my physical self my senior year of college, and then going through another mini transformation in the past year, I still don’t get why they doubt I can achieve something of this magnitude. Its just really frustrating that I feel like I have very few people who support me in this.

But I’m in this to win this (personal) race for me and me alone. I will cross that finish line running with my arms above my head Rocky style and beaming with pride for completing a challenge I put upon myself. Even after I complete this race, I know there will be people who will still put me down for my performance. I’ll let them breeze by me and not knock me down because I’m not running this race to break records or even beat the person I start next to. I’m in this race to prove to myself that I can accomplish a tall task with hard work and determination.

Like my best friend said, anyone can complete a half marathon. But not everyone has the determination and dedication to do so.

Number of miles run this week: 11.79

Number of workouts this week: 3

Number of miles left to run this week: 9 (10?)

Number of weeks left of training: 2

Number of days left til race day: 14.5

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