Fessing up

Well, hello little blog! Its been a LONG time! I’ve been meaning to write (I really have!), but to be honest I’ve been a little scared.

Say what?

Yeah, I’ve been scared to blog. I’ve been scared to put out there in the inter webs what has been going on with this wannabe runner in the past month or so. Afraid of putting words on a screen for everyone to read about things that have been frustrating me and leaving me feel almost ashamed.

But after my run this evening, I decided it would be best to put things out there and hope maybe it would solve my problems and make things better.

For those of you who stalk me on Twitter, you may have read across my Daily Mile updates about constantly being frustrated with my running/training for CLE. Yes, I have been very frustrated with myself and my progress (or lack ther of) in my half marathon training. I don’t feel like I am getting any faster or that my endurance is coming back. Running one mile straight hasn’t happened in like FOREVER. ONE stinking mile! I can’t run one mile without stopping to walk. Its part physical pain, and part mental. I know I need to overcome my mental obstacles and just believe I can run farther even though it feels uncomfortable. If I don’t challenge myself on my runs to push beyond the comfort box, I’ll never improve. I know this. I can see small glimpses of my old self when I can run a pace sub-10-min, but I can’t hold that pace for very long. I am constantly beating myself up during my runs and get frustrated. Two Sundays ago on my long run (5 miles) I contemplated dropping back to running the 10k at CLE or even dropping out all together. <—- That thought was probably my lowest point in self doubt. I tried to bounce back the next week and felt I did with some better runs. But then once I had sub-par run, I began doubting myself and capabilities. I thought, “My Ragnar team mates are gonna hate me come October when I slow down our overall times down with my turtle-like pace.”

I need to tackle my mental obstacles first. As far as physical, I think I made a poor choice when buying new shoes back in January by switching brands. I never had the knee pains I experience now when I ran in Mizunos. It sucks because I’ve only had these shoes 3 months and don’t really want to drop another $100 on shoes.


So…there is also another little secret I’ve been keeping from this blog. I’m afraid to make it known to all in this blogsphere because I’m two weeks shy of making my goal and don’t want to jinx it and screw it up like I did the last time I attempted it. So, for now I’m going to keep it a secret until I succeed in my goal. 🙂


I’m currently in week 6 of half marathon training! I FINALLY printed out my training schedule that I’ve been basically going on by memory. After working with the calendar, I had two add two more weeks at the end of the training schedule to keep it in line with CLE since its a week later this year. Which is going to be a plus for me because it will give me a 12 mile long run two weeks out from the race, which I will need desperately.

One thing I’ve realized as I’m training more is that I miss, miss, miss running with other people. I did it alot last spring when several of my friends were training for the same race. This year, a different group of friends is training for the race. Unfortunately, geography and mismatched schedules has prevented me from meeting up with them to run on the weekends. As we move into April and closer to the race, I’d definitely love to run with one or more persons at least once on the weekends. I think it will help me overall in my running to get closer to where I want to be for the race.

As I put the finishing touches on my training plan, I wrote down two goals. Goal A: Finish faster than CLE 2011 time. I finished in 2:16. Which at the pace I’m running now seems like a large goal. Goal B: Finish faster than my first half marathon time-2:28. The second goal seems a lot more obtainable than the first. Originally I wanted to finish CLE this year in 2:10, but since my speed and endurance is not what it used to be, I don’t think that goal is possible for this race.

As this day comes to a close, its now 59 days and counting until 13.1 in CLE. 🙂




4 thoughts on “Fessing up

  1. Hang in there kid, I’m pulling for you! Hit me up if you want to get some miles sometime. You are probably still better prepared than me, but would love to have someone to run with. I have been by myself from the get go and would be nice to have company, even if she is a Hoosier fan.

  2. Hang in there with running, we all have good days and bad days. Trust me. This morning for my 5 miler I wanted to quit so badly at mile 2.73. Not even 3 miles. I put on some of my favorite songs on my Ipod and zoned out and was able to get my miles in and by mile 5 I was ready to keep going. Sometimes you just need to get past those first couple of miles to find your groove. And sometimes you have to chalk it up to a bad run day and throw in the towel early. We’ve all been there.

  3. Pingback: Revealing my “secret” | Diary of a Former Fat Girl

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